In this episode of Absolute Trust Talk, managing attorney Kirsten Howe shares an estate planning miss that has nothing to do with your documents — the literal, physical mess we tend to leave behind. Drawing on years of trust administration experience, Kirsten explains what really happens when one child is named trustee and inherits the job of emptying a home filled with decades of belongings: stalled home sales, frustrated siblings, and inheritances delayed by months. She also shares the story of a daughter trustee who nearly hauled a box of “trash” to the dumpster, only to find $2,500 in cash tucked inside. Her advice is refreshingly hands-on: start sorting through your own things now, one closet and one room at a time, so the people you love aren’t left to do it for you.
Time-stamped Show Notes:
0:00 Introduction
0:35 Kirsten introduces today’s miss — this one isn’t about what your documents say, it’s about something you yourself can do, starting now.
1:05 The scenario she sees constantly: one child is named trustee, the family home is full of decades of belongings, and it can’t be sold until it’s cleared out — a job that typically lands on that one child.
1:55 A lose-lose bind: the other siblings often won’t help, yet they’ll complain if the trustee spends estate money to hire a professional to do it.
2:15 Why an inheritance can take six months instead of two — the first three months may go just to emptying the house.
3:05 Pro Tip: Start now, one closet and one room at a time: even Kirsten admits to three closets and three dressers of clothing she hasn’t touched in years.
3:50 You don’t have to do it alone — enlist a child or a friend, trade off helping at each other’s homes, or hire a professional.
4:28 A cautionary tale: a daughter trustee, overwhelmed by boxes of old tax returns, bank statements, and decades-old books, nearly called for a dumpster — until she found $2,500 in cash in a box she assumed was trash.
5:40 The bottom line: take the job on now. Every bit you do eases the load on the child you’ve chosen as trustee, helps your kids get along after you’re gone — and you might even enjoy revisiting old memories along the way.
Transcript:
One of the most common reasons people give me for wanting to do estate planning in the first place — after avoiding probate, of course — is that they want to make things easier for their family, and they’re usually thinking about their children: “I want to make things as easy as I can for my kids.” So today we’re going to talk about another estate planning miss — another episode in that series of misses: the things we’ve seen over the years that people don’t get right and that can really make a difference.
Hello, everyone. I’m Kirsten Howe, and welcome to Absolute Trust Talk. The miss I’m going to talk about today isn’t about documents — I’m not going to tell you something your documents should say or do. It’s about something you yourself can do, and I so frequently see people not doing it: I’m talking about leaving a literal, actual, tangible mess behind.
If you’re anything like me — and I know you are — you have a house full of stuff. You use some of it, but a lot of it you don’t, and maybe you haven’t used it in years. My suggestion is to do something about that while you are here and while you are able. And I have good reasons for saying so.
I work with a lot of family-member trustees. Often it’s one child who is the designated trustee, and there’s a house the family has owned for many, many years. It’s full of Mom and Dad’s stuff, and the house has to be sold. Guess who gets the job of cleaning everything out? The house can’t be sold while it’s full of your belongings, because the new owner doesn’t want them. That job falls on the trustee — and very often the other children won’t help. The trustee is stuck doing it alone, and she’s afraid that if she hires someone to help, like a professional clean-out service, her siblings will complain about spending the money. It’s a lose-lose situation: the house has to be cleaned out, but she isn’t allowed to hire anyone to help — and, by the way, no one else is going to help either.
The other thing we see frequently is that the siblings want their inheritance right away. They don’t understand what a huge job being the trustee is, and they don’t know why it’s taking two months. Well, guess what — it’s going to take six months, because the first three months go just to getting the house cleaned out.
What I’m telling you is that you can be working on this project now. You can start sorting through things. It’s an intimidating job — I know. I’ve only lived in my house 20 years, not 50 like some of my clients, and I still have three closets and three dressers just for my clothing. I’m obviously not wearing three closets and three dressers full of clothing on a daily, weekly, monthly, or even yearly basis. Much of it I haven’t seen in years — and I’m guessing you could say the same about some part of your life, if I’m a normal person.
Take it one closet at a time, one room at a time. Get one of your kids to come over and help. A friend could help. You could take turns going to each other’s houses and working through it. You can hire a professional, and you can make the decision to spend that money and get it done. We hear it all the time: nobody wants our stuff. We baby boomers have a lot of stuff, nobody wants it, and there’s no reason to hang on to it.
I recently worked with a daughter trustee who walked into her parents’ house and was overwhelmed by how many boxes of paper there were — old tax returns, old bank statements, things nobody needs and nobody is ever going to look at, and boxes of books nobody had read in 40 years. She was tempted to just hire someone, bring a dumpster over, and start tossing. But she looked through one of the boxes and found $2,500 in cash in a box she thought was trash. Now she feels she has no choice but to go through every single box — and it’s a big job, because it’s a house full of stuff. I’m not talking about hoarding; this is just the normal stuff we all have.
If you really want to make things easier for your children — which is what most of my clients tell me they want — take on that job right now. You might not get it all done, but every little thing you do is a big help. It will make things go faster, it will make it easier on the child you’ve chosen as trustee, and it will help your kids get along after you’re gone. That’s something we would all like.
That’s my little bit of advice: get it done now. And you might even have fun doing it — you may get the chance to revisit old memories and share them with your helper, the good child who comes over to lend a hand. All right, I hope this was helpful. Thank you so much for joining me, and I look forward to connecting with you next time.
Resources Related to This Episode:
- A Will is Not Enough – Securing Your Legacy with Estate Planning Life can change in an instant. A will is not enough to be prepared. Get free access to our actionable E-book Guidebook #1 and start protecting your legacy today. https://absolutetrustcounsel.com/guidebooks/
- Learn how to comfortably define gray areas and assess your unique needs to build a secure future now effortlessly. Check out Guidebook #2, Estate Planning Beyond the Basics, here > https://absolutetrustcounsel.com/guidebooks/
- Get our free introductory guide to the most used estate planning tool, family trusts, and understand how we plan to help protect your family. Guidebook #3: https://absolutetrustcounsel.com/guidebooks/
- Absolute Trust Counsel would love to offer access to our Incapacity Planning resource page: https://AbsoluteTrustCounsel.com/Incapacity-Planning/. We’ve collected our top planning information all in one place so listeners can find videos, guidebooks, blog posts, and a host of information with tips and strategies on implementing, planning, and protecting themselves and their loved ones.
- We’re pleased to provide a library of e-books to address common estate planning questions and concerns in practical, easy-to-understand language. https://AbsoluteTrustCounsel.com/Resources/.
- ASK KIRSTEN: If you’d like Kirsten to answer your question on the air, please email her at Info@AbsoluteTrustCounsel.com.
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